"Everybody Hates Everybody" Campaign Officially Kicks Off
Plus: The not-so-surprising endorsement!

Well, the most civil and substantive presidential campaign in the history of politics began yesterday. Choose the lesser of two evils:

a) George W. Bush, who will constantly accuse his opponent of "flip-flopping." Bush is noted for his inability to do anything at all without first consulting a focus group, Karl Rove, and Leviticus. While crushing governments around the world who don't allow religious freedom, Bush believes the U.S. should alter its constitution in order to enforce a religious belief on its citizens -- or at least a focus group tells him that this position could get him reelected. He spends his summers in Texas, where one can only presume he's making up summer school courses to get those "incompletes" off of his high school report card. He paints anyone who disagrees with him at all as unpatriotic and a traitor, and his administration has been known to make many public statements to intimidate anyone who dares to cross them.

b) John F. Kerry, who is constantly "flip-flopping." If you root for the Democrats, he can be infuriating. He'll attend a gay wedding, but he's personally against them, but he's for civil unions, but he thinks states should be able to ignore those performed in other states, but... you get the idea. He has a lot of trouble sounding spontaneous, probably because he overplans those moments just a bit.

Both candidates have their strengths. Bush's main strengths are that he is currently president, the country's been at war, and a surprising number of people support his whole religion-runs-the-country thing. Against Kerry, he may be able to appear solid, unwavering, and steadfast. He can seem to be an "everyman" in spite of his elite upbringing. Kerry's main strengths are that he is functionally literate, he seems intelligent, he is informed, he can debate well, he's good at keeping focus. While Bush may be able to address some of these things with a combination of diligent study and a prescription for an ADD medication, there's one advantage Kerry has over Bush that no medication can fix: Kerry is not Bush.

As the Primary season is basically over, "protest votes" are kind of meaningless now (by the way, Kucinich: You owe me a hotdog). Who does this website endorse for President? Between these two, here's my choice:

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