What the Hell?

While in Alabama, I read the local paper, The Dothan Eagle. It's kind of a "dream paper" as far as bad local rags go. Headlines with misspelled words, poor grammar throughout, and the Monday edition is about 4 pages long (they're plum worn out from the Sunday edition, it seems).

The most interesting thing in Monday's paper had nothing to do with the Eagle itself, but with one of its comic strips. "Alley Oop" is a comic that started about 60 years before I was born, so I'm not qualified to give the backstory. Here it is as I see it:

There's this time-traveling caveman who goes around doing stuff.

That's pretty much all I've gotten from it. Anyway, I was startled to see this in Monday's paper. Here's the first panel of the strip:



Alley Oop, for those who don't know, is that cave man looking-guy right-center. And it looks like -- whoa! Is he about to DECAPITATE someone?



Oh dear! I think Alley Oop is either about to decapitate or scalp that man! And look at the abject horror on the face of this witness:



I'm... really... I'm speechless. Why is this time-traveling caveman chopping a guy's head off in the comics? And they complain about Doonesbury!

At least the comics are funny again.

--------------

On another note, Skye sent me the (unintentionally) funniest link on the web, hands-down. And it's the California Highway Patrol homepage. Inexplicably, a song automatically loads up when you visit the page. And the song -!

It caused this exchange via IM:

-----
Skye Stamey: if you have speakers, go to the site, and wait for a bit for the song to load. and, um. uh.
Skye Stamey: it's terrifying.
Merrill Whatley: ummm... hmm... (just starting)...
Merrill Whatley: wha?
Skye Stamey: uuuh.
Skye Stamey: keep listening.
Merrill Whatley: what the hell?
Merrill Whatley: ummm
Skye Stamey: BWAHAHAHA.
Merrill Whatley: i was hoping it would be the CHiPs theme
Skye Stamey: me too.
Skye Stamey: or a hacker. but oh no.
Merrill Whatley: i mean... what?
Skye Stamey: listen to the lyrics!
Merrill Whatley: what the -
Merrill Whatley: and this automatically happens when you go to their site!
Merrill Whatley: oh dear. this is awesome!
Skye Stamey: larry (old boss) says i ought to burn the song to cd and play it in my car if i get pulled
over.
Merrill Whatley: hahahahaha!
Merrill Whatley: stand on the side of the road and belt it out during your sobriety test
Merrill Whatley: oh my. it just ended. wow!
Skye Stamey: yes!
Merrill Whatley: wow. WOW! that is so ridiculous! that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard!
Skye Stamey: well, aside from a speech by bush. it's the second stupidest?
Merrill Whatley: if all of his speeches count as one
Skye Stamey: they have to.
Merrill Whatley: man, that's.... wow. WOW!
Skye Stamey: or else nothing else on the planet has room to be stupid. he's taken all the slots.
Merrill Whatley: it's just... wow!
Skye Stamey: i feel the same way.
Merrill Whatley: i can't even... WOW
Merrill Whatley: i have to lie down
-----

So, enjoy! That link again:
http://www.chp.ca.gov/

Thanks, Skye!
-M

Call and Response, Part 2

Laura's response to the most recent previous post:

I would like to comment on this: You and Garrard actually told me that the time and temp man was the same guy who controlled the red, yellow and green lights. I pictured him in this underground room underneath the street at the corner of Main and Honeysuckle, with a little box that he would randomly press "yellow," "red," or "green" while answering the time and temp telephone.

And all I want to say is this: he was there! Only he was on top of the old bank building on that corner, the brown brick one. Underground would be silly! Every day, he'd watch people leaving the bank to go home, and he'd just glance up and see his hat and coat on the coat tree, staring back at him as they had been day after day for all these years. Would anyone notice if he slipped out for just a few hours? Maybe he could take a walk, go grab a drink... ha! Maybe he could walk up to somebody on the street and say, "Pardon me, but do you have the time?" That would be a kick! The irony! And he could wipe the sweat from his brow and comment on the humidity for once...

...and then the phone rings. He looks out over the intersection of West Main and Honeysuckle and realizes that the north/south traffic has been sitting there a while. Somebody's got to push these buttons; someone has to answer these phones.

Call and Response

I love my parents' new house. I'm visiting in Dothan and just had breakfast with Mom (well, she probably had breakfast three hours earlier, but I'm still on west coast time) out on the screened-in back porch. We had the ceiling fan on a high enough setting to warp time, which is kind of necessary. Curious as to the time, Mom called the Dothan, Alabama Time and Temperature Hotline. Of course I remembered the number from when I was seven; I told her and she dialed (that's 334-794-8441 for anyone who is curious as to Dothan's time and temperature). She reported back that it was 10:09 AM and 91 degrees.

91 degrees at 10 AM! Goodness. I poked the ceiling fan with a stick to see if it would go any faster. Anyway, we had the following exchange:

Mom: I often think the temperature guy may be wrong. 91 sounds too hot for right now. (not really -- ed.)
Me: Well, he is up on top of that bank building, just hanging out all day.
Mom: (pause)...yeah, y'all told Laura awful things.

Which may not sound like a logical flow of conversation to some folks out there, but it is. Anyway, aside from probably telling Laura that a man with a watch and thermometer lived on top of the bank building and did nothing but answer the phone all day, I once got some backup from the Dothan, Alabama Time and Temperature Hotline (that's 334-794-8441) man. My mom and I stood in the kitchen, and I had been outside playing. I offered my opinion on the temperature, that it must have been about 130 degrees. She laughed and said, well, it's hot, but probably not 130. So I called 794-8441:

Time: 3:34
Temperature: 138.

Wow! 138! I relayed this information to my mom. She thought I was making it up. So I called again to make sure:

Time: 3:39
Temperature: 162.

WOW! Maybe Farley Nuclear Plant exploded! I was very excited. By the time I got my mom to put her ear to the phone, the temperature was easily in the 230's.

The next day, the paper explained what had happened: the thermometer is located a few feet above the roof of the bank building, and that day they had been tarring the roof. Apparently, the thermometer read over 500 degrees at one point.

I, for one, salute the Dothan, Alabama Time and Temperature Hotline (334-794-8441) man for staying up there all day and answering the phone. What a guy!

From Dothan, on vacation,
-M

LTC

Not much time to say it, but a lot to say! Album recording = very very good. Tunes soon. Letters to Celebrities is fully functional (though still small), and a few bloggers have picked it up and linked it, so it's getting many visits. Go and check it out as well for some wonderful snarkiness from Skye, Elana, the Hulk, and myself. Oh, and crack the code to get into the Member section! I may have a decent chance to post in a few days, and I'll try to do it. Cheers!

-M